My husband likes to joke that if he’d known the dental realities he was marrying inside this kind-hearted redhead, he would have insisted on a dowry. But what stayed with me wasn’t the bridge or the broccoli. It was the tenderness, how utterly unprepared we are for the moments that hit straight to the solar plexus, and how much it matters who rushes in to hold us when they do.
I loved how Neal felt what you felt for you. The grief, the rage, the instinct to protect. I’m lucky to know that kind of love too. But more and more lately, I’m aware that some battles are bigger than any one body, or even two bodies clinging together. And when that’s true, I find myself looking for smaller ways to win.
This Thursday I’m hosting the first night of something I call The Hungry Table, a dinner for strangers who would almost certainly never meet, and might not even want to. People with different lives, different views, different nervous systems. I’m believing that trust isn’t dead, it’s just hungry so it’s my small, tender act in the middle of all this. And my husband who is usually dropping me off and picking me up from my latest one dental appointment is holding me in a different way with kindness as I I pace the house, reset the table for the third time, and mutter to myself in HomeGoods about why I did such a foolish thing. I don’t even like strangers anymore. And yet, here they are, coming into my home.
Because in the end, holding onto each other is what we have. And maybe, just maybe, we widen the circle a little. Not to include your dentist. But most people.
Thank you for reminding me to listen to my broccoli. And to keep doing the next sensible thing for a person in my shape.
Sally, thank you for your interest in how the Hungry Table turned out. I just posted a short reflection I wrote a few hours after the guests left. It was a memorable, beautiful evening and quietly restored my faith in humanity❤️🩹
It's as though your lived life reflects the macrocosm. Trump has hit a nerve that has us thrashing and wanting to leave the country. But the shape I'm in at 87 says go stand on that corner with your sign, be peaceful, and weep.
In the UK, on the outside looking in, grieving for what is happening in the US, and almost helpless but for the next sensible thing we can do which is sadly not to travel to the US and to avoid US companies, for now.
You might be surprised (or not) at how much we in the tormented States appreciate your gentle attitude, which finds a way to condemn the cruelty and stupidity while also recognizing that many of us (more than half) feel just as Ms. Lamott describes here. We are heartbroken, infuriated, and hamstrung. It is horrible.
For now. Hopefully not forever. As an American, it pains me that we are not welcoming anymore. My French pen pal came to visit many years ago. It's a good thing she came then; she'd avoid us like the plague now.
I’m in the process of reading bird by bird and there are times that you make me laugh out loud. Today’s newsletter is not a laugh out loud. I am sorry for your dental experience, but grateful you learned the broccoli lesson. It’s for all of us to learn. If I could hold up a sign for a long period of time, I would, but being 83 and having arthritis does not allow me to do that. Perhaps I’ll make one that I can wear. You inspire me always.
You are so true about America. I left America to flee the impending hate I saw devouring humanity in 2018. It has become nothing but worse. I’ve been away for over a year now. I’m returning to attend a new doctor, my dentist, skin doctor et al. I’m already anxious about encountering friends that I know voted for the current republican hot mess. I’ve loved my friends for many many years. I pray I will keep my 75 year old mouth shut about the atrocities I watch from afar. Hate is taught and learned. I don’t want to put any more of that energy into the universe than the dose it’s already reeling with.
We’re your age and left the US 5 months ago for England. We too are headed home in March to see docs and grandkids. Then we’ll leave again. Good luck. Patti
A friend’s church used the words of Dr. King in their call and response today. This one hit home: “Right, temporarily defeated, is stronger than evil triumphant.”
I broke two crowns chomping on hard candy. The first on an ordinary butterscotch. The second, five years later, on a buttery, caramely Werther’s Original. I have not eaten hard candy since. Not will I ever. Nor, I suspect, will you bite down on the equivalent of a buttery, salty ball bearing ever again! I am so sorry you experienced this. 🙏 Thank you, as always, for your wisdom, your humor and, above all, your relatable humanity during these times. You give shimmering glimmers of hope in the darkness.
That is the real pain we feel-- knowing we are surrounded by other Americans who grew up with us (many in the same family) who somehow are fine with fascism.
In many ways, we are more upset with our fellow Americans than with the major perpetrators of this evil. It is betrayal of our country in a very literal sense.
And they are our neighbors and too often, our family.
That happened to me in my early 70’s never thought possible they could miss and hit the nerve that propels you out of your chair and pulling on hair screaming whole office ! Can hear torture
And like you I stayed and continued! The needed treatment
Popcorn is the worse culprit for
teeth stay clear of popcorn
Bring your own snacks
Love you !
we will get thru this !? I say can we just all stop paying taxes? All of us bad liberals ??
What will propel Congress and the boys off their seats and stop the madness?
Just weary of living discussed with our world. I want joy, just a little joy. So I must keep eyes open and be aware so I can find that joy and hope for change of the discussed… just a little change.
Reading through all the comments so far, I see tons of appreciation and gratitude and, as is inevitable, a troll. I’m sure you, Anne, are hardened to trollishness from your long public career. Nevertheless, thanks again for speaking truth with kindness and humanity. The love you get back far outweighs the other.
I had a very similar dental experience two years ago. I listened to my broccoli too. Now longer eat partially popped kernels. Since that was my favorite part, I just gave up pop corn. Have my teeth except for the one sacrificed to my maturation process.
Anne—
This stretched me in all the ways that matter.
My husband likes to joke that if he’d known the dental realities he was marrying inside this kind-hearted redhead, he would have insisted on a dowry. But what stayed with me wasn’t the bridge or the broccoli. It was the tenderness, how utterly unprepared we are for the moments that hit straight to the solar plexus, and how much it matters who rushes in to hold us when they do.
I loved how Neal felt what you felt for you. The grief, the rage, the instinct to protect. I’m lucky to know that kind of love too. But more and more lately, I’m aware that some battles are bigger than any one body, or even two bodies clinging together. And when that’s true, I find myself looking for smaller ways to win.
This Thursday I’m hosting the first night of something I call The Hungry Table, a dinner for strangers who would almost certainly never meet, and might not even want to. People with different lives, different views, different nervous systems. I’m believing that trust isn’t dead, it’s just hungry so it’s my small, tender act in the middle of all this. And my husband who is usually dropping me off and picking me up from my latest one dental appointment is holding me in a different way with kindness as I I pace the house, reset the table for the third time, and mutter to myself in HomeGoods about why I did such a foolish thing. I don’t even like strangers anymore. And yet, here they are, coming into my home.
Because in the end, holding onto each other is what we have. And maybe, just maybe, we widen the circle a little. Not to include your dentist. But most people.
Thank you for reminding me to listen to my broccoli. And to keep doing the next sensible thing for a person in my shape.
Beautifully written, Suzy
I love your Hungry Table idea, Suzy, please let us know how it turned out!
Sally, thank you for your interest in how the Hungry Table turned out. I just posted a short reflection I wrote a few hours after the guests left. It was a memorable, beautiful evening and quietly restored my faith in humanity❤️🩹
Amazing grace. Well done.
“Do the next sensible thing for a person in your shape.”
It's as though your lived life reflects the macrocosm. Trump has hit a nerve that has us thrashing and wanting to leave the country. But the shape I'm in at 87 says go stand on that corner with your sign, be peaceful, and weep.
Well said. He has.
In the UK, on the outside looking in, grieving for what is happening in the US, and almost helpless but for the next sensible thing we can do which is sadly not to travel to the US and to avoid US companies, for now.
You might be surprised (or not) at how much we in the tormented States appreciate your gentle attitude, which finds a way to condemn the cruelty and stupidity while also recognizing that many of us (more than half) feel just as Ms. Lamott describes here. We are heartbroken, infuriated, and hamstrung. It is horrible.
For now. Hopefully not forever. As an American, it pains me that we are not welcoming anymore. My French pen pal came to visit many years ago. It's a good thing she came then; she'd avoid us like the plague now.
I hope to return to the US one day, hopefully before too long
I’m in the process of reading bird by bird and there are times that you make me laugh out loud. Today’s newsletter is not a laugh out loud. I am sorry for your dental experience, but grateful you learned the broccoli lesson. It’s for all of us to learn. If I could hold up a sign for a long period of time, I would, but being 83 and having arthritis does not allow me to do that. Perhaps I’ll make one that I can wear. You inspire me always.
So sorry about the nerve.
You are so true about America. I left America to flee the impending hate I saw devouring humanity in 2018. It has become nothing but worse. I’ve been away for over a year now. I’m returning to attend a new doctor, my dentist, skin doctor et al. I’m already anxious about encountering friends that I know voted for the current republican hot mess. I’ve loved my friends for many many years. I pray I will keep my 75 year old mouth shut about the atrocities I watch from afar. Hate is taught and learned. I don’t want to put any more of that energy into the universe than the dose it’s already reeling with.
That is a great last line! I hope it’s ok to use it? Thanks.
Of course use it. We need to spread the word. It won’t be hate that saves our world!
Thank you for reading and commenting.
We’re your age and left the US 5 months ago for England. We too are headed home in March to see docs and grandkids. Then we’ll leave again. Good luck. Patti
Enjoy your trip. I hope it’s a smooth one.
A friend’s church used the words of Dr. King in their call and response today. This one hit home: “Right, temporarily defeated, is stronger than evil triumphant.”
I broke two crowns chomping on hard candy. The first on an ordinary butterscotch. The second, five years later, on a buttery, caramely Werther’s Original. I have not eaten hard candy since. Not will I ever. Nor, I suspect, will you bite down on the equivalent of a buttery, salty ball bearing ever again! I am so sorry you experienced this. 🙏 Thank you, as always, for your wisdom, your humor and, above all, your relatable humanity during these times. You give shimmering glimmers of hope in the darkness.
Those of us outside of America —the rest of the world —wonder why only half of you feel the same way. This stretches us in all ways that matter.
Thank you for your presence here. It makes a difference.
That is the real pain we feel-- knowing we are surrounded by other Americans who grew up with us (many in the same family) who somehow are fine with fascism.
In many ways, we are more upset with our fellow Americans than with the major perpetrators of this evil. It is betrayal of our country in a very literal sense.
And they are our neighbors and too often, our family.
I feel like an ex-pat in my own country.
My husband said “Next time you go to the movies, take broccoli instead of popcorn.” He thinks he’s so funny.
This is an amazing combo-the capture of everything horrible going on in out country and laugh-out-loud funny. The dentist office…oh my.
That happened to me in my early 70’s never thought possible they could miss and hit the nerve that propels you out of your chair and pulling on hair screaming whole office ! Can hear torture
And like you I stayed and continued! The needed treatment
Popcorn is the worse culprit for
teeth stay clear of popcorn
Bring your own snacks
Love you !
we will get thru this !? I say can we just all stop paying taxes? All of us bad liberals ??
What will propel Congress and the boys off their seats and stop the madness?
What a powerful piece of writing, Anne. Thank you from a follower in Toronto, Ontario. Standing with you.
Just weary of living discussed with our world. I want joy, just a little joy. So I must keep eyes open and be aware so I can find that joy and hope for change of the discussed… just a little change.
Reading through all the comments so far, I see tons of appreciation and gratitude and, as is inevitable, a troll. I’m sure you, Anne, are hardened to trollishness from your long public career. Nevertheless, thanks again for speaking truth with kindness and humanity. The love you get back far outweighs the other.
I had a very similar dental experience two years ago. I listened to my broccoli too. Now longer eat partially popped kernels. Since that was my favorite part, I just gave up pop corn. Have my teeth except for the one sacrificed to my maturation process.